We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Bring me that man meat
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize