apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
