Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
