Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
