fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
