Define "chronic" masturbator.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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