My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
