You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
