We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
