she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just blew my weed a kiss
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
