There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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