im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So much rum. So many feels.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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