So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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