Will you blow on my dice?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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