we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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