i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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