i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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