im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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