taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
