My friends, they love my intelligence
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
