Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
