Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
