i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
