oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
