I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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