If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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