So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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