Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
