mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
