I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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