At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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