i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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