words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends canβt come over any more.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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