did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
