Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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