its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
