I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
