I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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