I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Did I show you my penis last night?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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