My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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