please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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