Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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