She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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