and you said cock pushups were impossible
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
