Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Randomize
