Life is so much better after having sex.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I need moral support for this bender
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
