Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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