toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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