You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
