Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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