I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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