I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
