If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize