Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
