he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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