I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
