She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
