Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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