she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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