When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You've changed since you got that strap on
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
