I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
