Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
