dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
