i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he thought i was a dude.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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