I hate your face
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
