Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize