I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize